The Abominable Sweatman:
Easiest way to spot this guy is to look for the one who's dressed like he's about to embark on an arctic expedition. This guy usually is sporting a wool- knit toboggan under his circa '96 wrestling hoodie and two pairs of track pants. He only has one objective for being there: get on the old mill and run until he drowns himself in his own perspiration. For the most part, people avoid him like nuclear fallout.

What's a leg workout?:
Every gym has this guy who runs his mouth more than he runs his legs. The dude hasn't done a leg work out since P.E. in high school. I can almost guarantee his profile has a mirror pick of him flexing in a cut-off but it's only from the waist up. This is same guy who is afraid to get caught in a wind storm because he's so top heavy.

The Virus:
His regimen includes:
* Downing a pre- workout drink containing: Horse tranquilizers, Kitchen cleaner, and a couple rocks of cocaine to get the blood following.
* From there he reps out a few sets of bench and curls to get a nice pump going.
* Then for the next two hours he will wonder aimlessly through the gym. Seeking any attention he can find and giving unwanted pointers to strangers.
From his extensive "past" in steroid use, he has no intentions of gaining anything but a conversation. The dude's diet could consist of chocolate syrup and pizza rolls for the next three years and he would still look like Olympic athlete.

The Scout:
Perched on his exercise bike in the back of the room is where we find the scout. With his eyes glued to the lenses of his binoculars he evaluates the potential set before him. He focus is phenomenal as he manages to bike brisk fully and manage the drool dripping from his lips. The only thing creepier than this character is the blood-flow stopping short shorts he happens to be rocking.

The Golden Girls:
With most of their keen senses gone, theses old hags waddle around the gym in a pack like its March of the Penguins. Dressed in their Sunday best and reeking of moth-balls, they hit the gym scene like it's going out of style. Somehow, in their deteriorating minds, they decided it was finally time to cultivate some mass. Most gym talk involves competing to see who can lift the most weight, but with these ladies they compete to see who can live through the most medical conditions. God bless them as they go machine to machine, reading Readers Digest. These ladies just prove my point: nothing good can come after the age of 60.

The Brittany Grimer:
This creature looks like a product of Predator and a pterodactyl. It prawls around the weight room screeching while it smirks at inferior lifters. The veins protruding from its neck looks like a road map to Middle Earth. The thing never smiles and one minute it will be working out and the next minute it's gone to snack on a local chicken farm.

Tarzan and Jane:
NEVER BRING YOUR GIRLFRIEND TO THE GYM. The girls will always say it will be a great way for you to spend more time together and finally lose those pesky extra winter pounds but don't fall for it! At first it will all seem peachy and great. You will be lifting and she will be on the elliptical but this only last for about 5 minutes. Like a deranged magnet, the next thing you know your woman is standing next to you while you struggle to get a quality workout in. She will complain about her day, the way it smells, and the trashy chick with skimpy clothes in the corner. The man's who purpose of lifting is to relieve stress and challenge himself but this cannot be accomplished with a lady attached to your hip like a Siamese twin.

Steve Jobs:
This guy or girl is more dangerous than a Jacob Schaffer day care. These people refuse to do anything close to a normal workout and throw caution to the wind as they create and invent their own exercises. Not only do they put their own lives in jeopardy, but anyone else within a 15 foot radius as well. These people experiment their physical limits while they run backwards on the treadmill, juggle free weights while balancing on a medicine ball, and combine toe touches and pull ups while they swing like primitive apes from the squat rack. Just watching these psychos make you break into a sweat. And even though they believe their own work out to be superior, these people usually still end up having the physique of a middle school girl.

Same Shirt Guy:
You know exactly who I'm talking about. The guy who struts around in the same lucky tee day after day. He claims he washes it but the yellow spots stained under his armpits tell otherwise.

Rump Pumpers:
This chick came out of the womb with booty swag. One would think she suffers from scoliosis the way she always seems to always have her derriere in the air. She manages to spend more time in a 90-degree angle than a right triangle. Alfa males seem to flock to her like its mating season. But the only precious hunk of meat she is concerned with is her own keister.

About Author / Additional Info:
The Kyle Reed