"You know that you are in love when the hardest thing to do is say good-bye!" -unknown
This article is dedicated to COUPLES.
"Want-to-be couples", "not-want-to-be" couples and everyone in between.
In my practice I work with many couples and individuals that are agonizing with ambivalence and frustration over their relationships. As a psychotherapist and forensic social worker for the NYC Courts I evaluate families involved in custody battles. Everyday I hear sad heartbreaking stories. Being in a bad relationship can take a toll on us, during and after the split. So let's take a look at how repairs or reconciliations can improve our emotional and physical health and longevity. Sometimes we are ambivalent about whether the relationship is worth staying in or worth ending it..
Think about this, sex can be good because sex is good, and as fulfilling as it might be it's because we as individuals make it so. Due to it being a basic need. Now, imagine what the sex is like when you are deeply in love. Is it different? How are you emotionally feeling beyond the physical satisfaction? When the intimacy exists beyond the sex and crosses over to real Love-making, now we're talking about a long lasting, many years... relationship that no matter what happens the connection remains unbreakable. No matter how old you both get the spark is still there, is that spark there now? Was it ever there? NOT the lust the LOVE? Do you even know the difference?
Or are you kidding yourself out of fear of being alone? If you are staying in an unhealthy relationship this will only keep you from finding a new and healthy loving, satisfying and fulfilling one. We are all lovable and deserve to be loved by someone special that we feel is the RIGHT one for us and each other.
Ask yourself these basic questions:
1.Do you feel humiliated or invisible in your relationship?
2.Looking back in the early years WAS it as good as you remember it to be?
3. Would you say that your partner is a good person and nice to be with and presents himself well?
4. In spite of your problems do you have an activity you like to share (besides kids), that brings a feeling of closeness?
5. Do you get the sense that your partner is lying more to you than telling the truth?
6. Do you find that your partner avoids talking about topics that you care about?
7. If you were given permission by the great God to leave the relationship would you feel a great sense of relief and leave?
This next segment is a list of activities, of course, you can come up with some of your own that could help bring closeness and togetherness back into your relationship.
1. Reading the Sunday paper together with a pot of coffee.
2. Walking through the park holding hands, with or without the kids.
3. Biking,tennis, running, hiking.
4. Antique browsing, museums, reading the same book.
5. Having friends over for dinner.
6. Kissing and cuddling with each other.
7. Talking about politics or current events.
There are many ways to rekindle a stale relationship, but then there are relationships that are beyond repair and it's important for all involved to recognize this sooner rather than later. As a family therapist it is my mandate to help save a partnership and help those of you who feel too confused and in pain to find a better way to live.
Going to counseling can save the relationship or end the relationship with love and understanding.
If there are children involved having a counselor to assist in the transition will maintain security and integrity within the family. Divorce doesn't have to be bitter.
About Author / Additional Info:
Dana Greco is a licensed psychotherapist. She is a graduate from The Ackerman Institute for Couples Therapy and holds a private practice in the upper west side of Manhattan. Visit her at http://www.danagreco.org and become a fan on her facebook page "Creating Healthy Relationships One Couple at a Time".