I can feel all the ligaments in my nose aching. My forehead is throbbing from where it had been head butt. When I touch the bottom of my nose I can feel something in turn move near the top of my nose, and vice versa. I feel awful. My head is killing me all over and I have aching eyes. I reach for a cigarette and I light it drawing in the smoke and exhaling gently. I need pain killers. That's all I can think about actually, every bone is aching and every muscle sore. I could lie in the bath. No not a good idea, anyone could come in while im in there and kill me in cold blood. Well that is a slight exaggeration. Just to be on the safe side though I decide to go and get the bong and bowl and take it up with me to the bedroom. I plan on just smoking and sleeping.
Occasionally going to the toilet and eating bare minimals. Hopefully I can get to sleep with out my girlfriend showing up trying to get me out and have some fun. When she does she will be shocked. Now I do tend to exaggerate but these bruises lasted me too weeks, going from all different colors, then finally back to the color of my face. My face is one of my assets and I may be vein or call it what you like but there was no reason to go for the best asset a girl has.
I mean it almost makes me forget what the whole fight was over. It was over nothing really, too much alcohol and too much Joel, that's Renee's brother, and renee is Lances ex girlfriend with whom he has kids to. He moved in with usfor 2 whole months then it went sour. I fucked him and then I told my boyfriend, lance that I did it. Sometimes I wonder where the real me went. I'm not like that. I usually have my morals and my standards set and they can't be changed. That's my out of control behavior. It gets worse and I will say now that I can't even believe it's me half the time.
Whenever I leave the house I cover my eyes with big black dark sunglasses. I do not smile, I just can't. If I tried it would be the worst pretend smile you'd seen in your life. Some days I just wonder why I even get out of bed let alone leave the house. Especially in this state and it's a week till Christmas. Yep ill have bruises on my face, cool. I really like my sarcasm, it gets me through most of the time because I can make myself laugh. There was a knock at the door, loud and clear. I hesitated. Who the hell is it at this hour of the night? Saskia of course, the girl who I knew from school who lives opposite me. She has speed she tells me in her speed freak frenzy way. I get excited because I feel shit as and I can't wait to feel the goodness. I go over and somehow I allow a bloke who I don't even know to stick a needle in my neck. I thoughtit was speed, but it also had cocaine and heroin in it as well. Well that definitely gave me a good boost. I didn't think about the consequences at the time. Ever since that night in the late December of 2011 I had the taste for the stuff. I just didn't know what the idiot had put in it to make me feel so good.
Two days later, and I wont mention the in between, I was fried, shattered, the cloak of my confidence and self esteem has been lifted off me and I am stuck with the other lower emotions like anger, jealousy, envy, self pity, anxiety, oh and did I mention that I could hardly breathe.
Here I am sitting in pain, worse than the pain that I had started with and seriously depressed. What I had learnt from the experience was that a drug can change your mood, but there is always a price to pay. I paid that price dearly by loosing nearly everything I have. My fall from grace was hard. What was even harder was getting my life back together. That is where I get my strength from these days.
About Author / Additional Info:
im a freelance journalist on the gold coast