I think it's the dream of many people, as it is for me, to live complicity in love.
When there is complicity in a couple there are no fear, no shame, and no one is afraid of being judged and rebuked. There is total trust in someone who loves us, who would never hurt us. At least not on purpose.
In my past relationships any partner wanted to long for complicity. Sometimes I felt a sense of judgment, I had a hard time showing my weaknesses, and I felt very often misunderstood. And misunderstanding means loneliness.
A very sad example of it was to discover that the other one had no trust in the fact that I would never expose him to criticism or pain. Then I was disappointed and thought that it meant was not for me.
The point is that complicity is possible when there is a sincere interest and mutual involvement, otherwise everyone will tend to lead a life as a couple, and manage another secret life.
Perhaps it happens to protect ourselves against disappointment, perhaps for personal selfishness, or because we do not want to commit that much.. and even worse... because we think we are smarter than others.
Not everyone is able to give. Many people do not believe in themselves and therefore they find much more difficult to believe that someone can love them unconditionally, with strengths and weaknesses, in spite of their differences.
Be complicit does not necessarily mean living together under the same roof for many years, but being able to grasp in advance the reactions and needs of the partner. It also means being not ashamed to say "I need you" and being not afraid that he could use it against you and control you.
In complicity we may share thoughts, emotions, sorrows, successes, failures and fantasies of all kinds. There are people who "talk" with their eyes, and other ones who do not understand even with subtitles. Be complicit means to be sure that the other one does not betray you physically, psychologically, emotionally, and wants to take care of you with love, respect, and TRUST.
My opinion was always to start a new friendship or a relationship with the best intentions and the purpose of complicity. Despite the disappointments, I go with the intention to do so. I do not give up, ever. I do not think it's fair to charge someone the account of past disappointments.
I like to think that there are inseparable couples, in which no one can enter, because they are made of highest understanding, mutual caring, sharing and loyalty. I like dreaming about it because I live some friendships in this way. And, if in friendships it can be realized, I hope that it is possible in love. I saw it among some couples of friends of mine and I've always wondered what was the secret of their happiness.
The secret was complicity.
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