Many years ago when I was in College, my roommate asked me to join him at a big stakes Poker game a few streets away. Little did I realize that he wanted me to be his bodyguard and to protect him. The game was at the home of the new young Mafia Boss, who took over for his recently deceased father. The son, in his mid twenties, loved to gamble at cards showing his array of henchmen how good he was playing high stakes Poker. His "boys" surrounded the table, all dressing in black shirts and white ties, just as if they were hired from central casting for a gangster movie. I assumed the bulge they all had in their breast pocket was also an important part of their uniform. I stood behind my friend trying to look as tough as a scared 20 year old possibly could in this nerve-wracking situation. For the first hour my friend didn't say or do much. I thought he was afraid to engage in the frantic action of the game. He just folded his cards every time and closely observed the other players.
On the nervous walk back to our Fraternity house, my friend David's pockets were stuffed with big bills. I asked him why he waited so long to bet. I'll never forget his words. "Marty, I was learning. I was carefully watching their behavior on every hand, win or lose. I was reading their "tells.
I asked him what a "tell" was and he told me they are sub-conscious indicators that can tell a sharp observer what the players unknowingly do while they are playing cards. I asked for examples with these questions. "Why did you stay in the game when big Julie looked like he had the winning hand?" My friend David said, "I knew he was bluffing." "How did you know?" "Well," David went on, "I saw that he double puffed his cigarette when he was bluffing." I then recalled another hand and asked, "What about that time you had two pairs and you dropped out?" David said, "I knew Don Vito had a better hand and I saved lots of money by not betting against him." "How did you know?" David remembered the indicators when Don Vito had a straight earlier on, and he was subconsciously acting the same way. "What specifically did you see?" I asked. "Oh, he rolled his wedding ring around his ring finger using his thumb across his palm." Now that is paying attention.
My buddy David was one of the smartest people I have ever met. He not only became a great card player by learning how to read and use "tells," but he made a fortune in Real Estate in New York by learning when people were lying to him using a similar technique.
It's now my pleasure to teach you how to find out if, and when, you've been lied to, and how you can detect it clearly in the future. You will become a Deception Detector. It's not quite as exciting as having x-ray glasses while you are playing cards, but just imagine how it will help you in; child-rearing, relationships of all types, and especially in the business world. Current statistics prove that we are lied to between 10 and 200 times each and every day. Another amazing statistic reveals that we are lied to an average of three times in the first 10 minutes when meeting a stranger.
Since you are being lied to and don't know it, I'm going to show you the top 15 ways to detect a liar.
1) Check their face for micro-expressions; Eyes don't lie, touching nose, ears, lips, face, rubbing eyes, anxiety makes them blush, so look for red cheeks, flared nostrils, pursed lips, deep breathing through one's mouth needing more oxygen, because of additional stress, eyes looking to the right toward the creative side of the brain, which is hastily working to think of additional lies to get out of tight situations, touching hair, lip nibbling, rapid blinking, less smiling, looking up and down as if seeking a place to escape to. By paying close attention to all of the above indicators, you can learn to read split-second changes that show on the face of someone who is lying to you.
2) Check Body Language; Look at their posture, does it seem natural? Is it in synch with their facial expressions, voice and speech? Shrugging shoulders, pulling arms and legs inward toward body then crossing arms, their natural timing is off, and they appear to be nervous, constantly moving their overly active fingers.
3) What kind of smile do they have? Is it sincere? You can tell by looking at their eyes (the window of the soul). Are they hiding fear, anger and or disgust? Most people can't fake a smile using genuine emotion. A genuine smile opens the face and incorporates the eyes and lips.
4) How do they sound when they speak? If they tell a bold faced lie, they try to overcome it by talking a lot and often swear more than usual. If they stepped up their normal voice patterns and their voice goes up and down more often than usual, and if they hesitate, and or stutter out of guilt, then you know they are avoiding the truth because these are all signs of covering up their lying.
5) Are they a little paranoid? Listen to the content of what they are saying. Are they defensive by demanding "Why are you asking me that?" Often liars try to distance themselves by not using personal pronouns, such as; I, me, my, and mine and they also avoid exclusivity words like; nor, except and whereas.
6) Are there inconsistencies in their behavior? Try to recall them acting normally and then re-look at what they are doing now. Different hand gestures and acting nervous/guilty is a sure sign of lying.
7) It's a guilty sign if they look away when asked a simple question.
8) Less than 4% of people are accomplished liars. Since their nose doesn't grow like Pinocchio in the fairy tale every time they lie, it's a little harder to detect. Sir Walter Scott is famous for saying, "Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." Compulsive liars can't help themselves. Either they are overly embellishing a story about their accomplishments, or they did something evil and are trying to get away with it. But by careful observation, we can find them out.
9) In the midst of questioning, shock them with an unexpected question. The guilty ones should relax because they feel the pressure is off and they got away with their lying. But the innocent ones tend to get agitated, because they want to get to the bottom of the original questioning to prove their innocence.
10) Truthful "tells." When the body subconsciously reveals the truth no matter what the mouth is saying. The conflict can also be between; voice and words, gestures and voice, gestures and words and finally, between face and words.
11) They just look uneasy. They are sweating when no one else in the room is. They just look uncomfortable, and they are constantly looking away refusing to make eye contact.
12) They offer up much too much detail answering a simple question in an attempt to create a believable story full of "facts."
13) You kind of know when they lie to you, but you occasionally would love to know why. Sometimes people bury the truth within their pack of lies, but they know they have lied and it seems everything is untrue. However, if you can detect the truth within the body of lies, the answer to "why" they lied may become obvious.
14) They are probably lying if there is too little OR too much eye contact. Nerves take over when they look away, but the good liars probably know that, so they force themselves to try to stare you down. It's just a good liar trying to over compensate. If their story just doesn't make sense or doesn't add up, keep asking clarifying questions and request explanations of conflicting statements.
15) Try hard to be trusting. Life becomes harder if you become so cynical that you think everybody is lying about everything. Just be aware of the changes in a person's physical "tells" and the behavioral alterations that we covered.
You have just learned how to protect yourself from being a victim of liars. Tell me about what you discovered as you learned the truth. Good Luck!!!
You can reach me at my website: www.stophatingdating.com
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