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Half - A - Man

BY: kishore thampi | Category: Others | Submitted: 2013-04-12 05:39:33
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Article Summary: "As the waves cleansed his feet again and again, something flickered in his mind. A faint memory. A tiny speck of image which was ingrained in the deepest recess of his mind. The image of a shameful effeminate boy, being ridiculed for what he was. It was disturbing. That notion lasted only for a few seconds. But it was enough to .."


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The sea looked really beautiful. A vast expanse of blue water, as if there is no end to it. It was hypnotizing. The more Ravi looked at it, the more enthralled he became. As the foamy water touched his feet, he felt a sense of elation. A feeling as if he is cleansed. The rippling waves performing a catharsis on him. A purgation of a life full of misgivings. Every time the waves touched his feet, he felt complete. As if some unseen force has connected the missing dots in his life. Ravi closed his eyes and let the feeling engulf him. He no longer felt insecure. No longer half-a-man.

What do you call a man who cannot take a meaningful decision in life? Someone who loves his wife more than anything else but cannot keep her happy? A doting father who cannot give the right guidance to his son? A total recluse to his loving mother? A maudlin who sees only the negativities in life and obsessed with providing the righteous path for his family? An imperfect incomplete soul who perpetually seeks self-redemption but never achieves it? Yes ...he is called "Half-a-Man".

Ravi , precisely speaking, is a living embodiment of the adjectives mentioned above and leads a life of constant fear and self-deceit. When he looks at the mirror, he does not see a confident personality. On the contrary, the mirror reflects a confused soul who cowers away from the responsibilities of life. At times he pities himself. "Why did god create me like this?" he ponders. Devoid of any characteristics worth mentioning?. He always believed that when god created him he forgot to put life into his soul. For he could find nothing there. Except an eerie blackness like the sky on a moonless night. When he looked at the mighty sea, he felt so inconsequential. But that feeling was not new to him as he always felt like that. Maybe he has changed over the years. Something happened to him when he was young which altered his perception. Which maligned his thoughts and feelings and made him a very conscious person? Something which transformed him into a hesitant soul who walked the path of life with lot of trepidation? He is in search of that something. The cause of his ill-feeling. The reason why he is living a life shrouded in negativities. The reason why he is half-a-man.

As the waves cleansed his feet again and again, something flickered in his mind. A faint memory. A tiny speck of image which was ingrained in the deepest recess of his mind. The image of a shameful effeminate boy, being ridiculed for what he was. It was disturbing. That notion lasted only for a few seconds. But it was enough to create a ripple in his heart. But the effervescent waves soon subdued his angst. A hypothesis was beginning to take shape in his mind. If proved right, it could explain the underlying tenets of his behavior.

Ravi looked at his shadow. It was just half of him. He foolishly tried to outrun it. But it stuck close to him, as a reminder of his inglorious past. Then he stopped running and started walking in the opposite direction. The shadow was behind him now. He could no longer see it. "Maybe this is my future", he thought. "I need to look more towards it than my past" he said to himself. As he kept walking he felt a renewed vigour. He felt rejuvenated. He no longer felt insecure.

A gentle breeze brushed past Ravi, as the nature's nod to his elated self. He could see many people looking at him. Some were smiling. Then he realized that he had a bright smile on his face. The swelling happiness in him was difficult to contain. It was pouring out. At that particular instant that Ravi understood that he had a beautiful life to live. And more importantly that he was no longer half-a-man.

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