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THE MAN WHO DIED HUGGING HIS PILLOW - Chapter OneBY: Ashok Kumar | Category: Writing | Submitted: 2012-03-09 08:42:36
Chapter one I AM AWAKENED
"Love is the silent ocean where the storms awake from their sleep."
Honestly, I do not remember when the first time I saw her was. I have seen her a thousand times before falling in love. She lives with her family in a street nearby. Her name is Riya. It's obvious to know her name as I have seen her walking through our street to the bus stop. I have seen her buying groceries in the petty shops. She spends more time in the library. Her photo came up in a daily as a School topper. I have seen her the most while I go jogging early in the morning. Her home is just near the park. She would be accompanying her mom for the rangoli. I never felt something special about her. Her clothes were simple, mostly dull colors. She carries a big handbag and walks without noticing anyone on the street on her way to college. I have seen her younger brother yelling her name and she went without noticing him. I have no idea if she was being stubborn or did not hear him.
She was just a normal girl wearing big spectacles.
She is definitely not my type as I have always been a social butterfly and she is some bird in a cage. Most of my friends were girls and they were much modern, stylish and friendly just like me. And some girls are much more than that. They would come in the night and just leave in the morning. But this girl robbed my heart which I have never imagined or expected to happen. Until that moment, I never thought I had a heart. And it happened to me like a lightning leaving someone blind.
Who am I? "AMAR" as friends' call me instead of "Amaran". The best things my friends like about me are
1. I can exhale smoke in a perfect heart shape. Being a chain smoker, I have practiced this to perfection.
2. The money I spend for them to booze and party.
3. The branded clothes I wear and the luxuries I enjoy.
4. The stunts that I do on my Ducati. Yeah I have a sport bike and a luxury car.
5. My rage. The way I fight with guys bigger than me.
6. Above all, they liked the way girls fall for me. Sometimes my BMW cannot hold enough.
Most of my friends want to be me. They thought I am celebrating my life more than anyone. To them, I am someone who has everything in life.
To me, I know I am a spoiled brat who never had a life. If I had a life, I have always felt that I am living my life in hell. I know what hell is. Hell is a place where you will be given everything you want except for one thing, Love. I have never been loved nor have I loved someone. I don't trust anyone. Not even my friends. I know why they are hanging out with me. I have learned more lessons trusting people and never found anyone trust-worthy. My friends have no clue what is inside me. To them, I am a cool guy partying, having fun all life and can never cry.
I do cry rarely. I cry when I think I can't remember my mom's face. My mom died hanging herself when I was little. She took care of me being alone after my dad left her and settled in London. He is a billionaire. He does have another family there. He sends money and so I get whatever I want. I am just a mistake in his life and he is just paying for it. He never spoke to me and I don't speak to him. I have a guardian who manages all this. I get up, eat when I was hungry, chill out with my friends in clubs or cinemas and bring a beautiful girl home when my desires needed refreshment. I never dreamed of a future. Whenever I cry, I used to think that my life is some kind of meaningless joke. I don't like to live and I just cannot die. Until the moment I fall in love, I thought everything starts and ends in idiocy. I could not figure out any better reason for anything that happens in my life. And she comes into my life and makes it significant, adding more meaning to it.
How can I forget that day? It was a bright sunny day and I was dressed up for my friend Karthik's wedding. Sam my friend came to pick me as our gang planned to go together. On my way I kept thinking why people get married, have children, raise them filling their mind with shit and when they grow up everything in the world would be different from what was taught to them? They mess up their life and screw others as well just like their parents.
We reached Shaadhi Mahal, a place where grand occasions in the city happen. There was a huge crowd of wealthy people gathered to bless the couple. Some women are chit-chatting on one side forming groups. The bride's diamond necklace was the hot topic and some speaking non-sense. There was an orchestra on one side entertaining people with filmy romantic numbers. My friends went to meet the bridegroom and I felt like a jackass sitting alone watching all this.
Then I saw a girl in a pink salwar kameez walking towards the bride's room. I could only see her back as she walked past me. Her French back hairstyle suited her long hair. Her walking style seemed familiar but could not recognize who it was. I heard Sam calling my name. He summoned me to the bridegroom's room. I went in and Karthik, the bridegroom was ready but he had a surprise gift that he wanted me to pass it to the bride. He knew it was not a big task for me and so I took it. I went to the bride's room and knocked the door and it was opened.
I saw those beautiful eyes for the first time. Our eyes met and I go speechless and feeling so silent that I can hear my heart beating strong. It was Riya. Those thick lenses covering her eyes were absent. Those dark kajal lined eyes looked into mine for a quick second and dropped. Now I could see her eye brows drawn so perfect, a black bindi in among those eyebrows and her skin glowing matching her pink salwar. She raised her head slowly blinking her eyes and asked me what I want. I just handed her the gift mentioning to give it to the bride. She took it and closed the door.
It was the girl who I have seen more than a thousand times. I never thought she looked so damn beautiful. She was absolutely stunning. Why did she hide those dazzling eyes all these years? Not just those eyes, her hair, her face, everything seemed so pretty and perfect.
I sat in a corner wondering about this. I saw her while she was on the bride's side during the wedding. To be honest, I did not notice anything other than her the whole day. She had a genuine smile in her face. And when she smiles, I felt happy for no reason.
After the wedding, I came home. Riya's eyes filled my mind. I kept thinking again and again feeling happy for the first time. I smoked non-stop rewinding the same scene in my mind. I did not feel like eating or drinking. The TV's on and I am watching it without focus. I tried sleeping but could not stop thinking about her. I felt as if I got some disease. Her eyes were killing me but my lips were smiling for the first time without my knowledge. My bed is so pleasant but I cannot sleep. I was trying hard to remember when I first saw her and was not able to. I know her name, she should be in her third or final year engineering and I know she is a very good girl.
Then I stopped my mind saying that I do not have anything to do with her. She is not my type and I do not mess up with someone like her. I don't know when I slept but I got up early and began thinking about her. Then I got ready and started jogging, trying to control my mind. When I was about the reach the park, I saw her home and the rangoli outside. Now feeling badly that I missed seeing her but telling myself that it's not my business. I ran about a kilometer and walked back home.
There is this struggle inside me happening all the time. Somewhere deep inside I feel like drowning into her eyes and wanting to see her again. There is also something that stops me. No matter how much I control, this new feeling drives me crazy. I have been attracted but I do have a great respect for her. I think I am madly in love. I am feeling insane, like flying so high. This feeling is new yet so true, so much into me. I have been in her thoughts the whole day. I felt awakened.
Love is the first awakening in everyone's life.
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