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The Decision | A woman finally makes the decision to leave her husband

BY: Scott Fisher | Category: Relationships | Post Date: 2009-10-22
 



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   Scott Fisher
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They sat with their feet dangling off the side of the white cinder-block wall that separated the picnic and park area from the beach. The January night was comfortable enough with a jacket and good company. Jason silently glanced at her once in a while, rubbing the small of her back, but giving her the space she needed to sort things out. As many times as they' d been here, doing this very thing, he knew the routine. He understood that there was a lot more at stake here than just her marriage. This was her life. As if sensing his thoughts, she leaned over and kissed him, gently and quickly.

-Thanks- was all she said.
Melissa had been on the edge of leaving her husband for some time now. But, like everything, it's never as easy as it is simple. She had their son Tommy to consider, for one thing. Eric was an attentive, wonderful father, and they would probably be better off without her. She could never try to separate them. They were inseparable. Besides, it was her turn to live now after being dead inside for all these years.

Oh, my how she had loved that man. When they had met, she was eighteen, and he was 32. Neither had any ties, and they were both just living for the party. Looking back, she wasn't sure why she chose him. But there had been something inside him those first years. Something very much like an inner light, a glow. It was not the things that he did or said, just something that he was. Well, either the light had gone out or she stopped seeing it, because it sure as hell wasn't there any more.

Eric loved her, she had no doubt. But love was not enough. Idle love without action was just misery and frustration. She spent years waiting for a spark, anything that would stir his heart and turn the light back on, but each day it just got darker. As far as Eric was concerned, everything was fine. He went to work every day, and everybody there adored him. He was full of that light with them, and with Tommy, but he had nothing left for her. The guilt came from realizing that she had a man that would do anything for her…anything except be her man. She knew exactly how much he loved her. So why didn't he love her?

Over the years she had broached this subject with him countless times, but he took any kind of discussion or complaint as an attack on his very manhood. The chance that anything constructive could come out of it was crushed into powder right there. He assumed she was talking about their dwindling s*x life- which she was- but there was much more to it than that. She wanted to be swept up in his life, in their life. She wanted to wake up in the morning not knowing what might happen. She wanted him to come home for lunch and take her right there on the couch. She wanted him to ask her out dancing, something, anything.

As it was, she would wake up to find that he had already gotten Tommy to school and left for work. Then she would have all day to try and find something to do. She liked the internet chat rooms, and could spend the entire day lost in that alternate world. But the truth was, she had no purpose, no responsibilities. Eric would come home at six and cook, because he liked to, he said. The truth was that he didn't trust her in the kitchen. Worse, he didn't want her to do anything at all. For the first few years, while Tommy was younger, she had arts and crafts projects, but those things became hollow over time. With no guiding purpose, a person just stops giving a shit.

A few years back, she realized that his son was the only thing that made him happy. So she began to go out at night. Once, maybe twice a week at first, then more and more frequently, until it became a part of the day all three of them looked forward to. Tommy had his dad to himself every night, and Eric had his pain killers and his son. Meanwhile, Melissa had new people, new conversations, and attention from men.

She had it in her mind that she was not going to cheat. After all, she was still married and still loved her husband. And, who knew, maybe one day it would dawn on him that she needed him to really love her, and all would be well. But in her heart she knew it was over. She had to admit that it felt great to be stared at across a bar, or have a man buy her a drink and hit on her. It was nice to go out to breakfast afterwards with a few people and get to know them. None of these things would ever have happened in the presence of her husband.

Then came Jason. He was as tall and thin as Eric was big and strong. He had long dark hair, which had always turned her on. There was a brooding kind of masculinity about Jason that attracted her. He wasn't necessarily happy, but he seemed to know exactly who he was. Eric always shifted like sand, trying to be, do and say what he thought someone wanted him to. It was nice to meet someone who knew his own mind and didn't give a damn how everyone else felt about it. Soon, they became kind of a secret couple and saw more and more of each other. Eric never asked where she was going or who she was going with, so she didn't say. If he'd asked, she probably would have told him. At that point, he still could have come through, and she told him so. He didn't, of course. Everything in his world was just fine.

So here she sat, contemplating the last eight years of her life, and she made her decision. She would not live like this one more day. She borrowed Jason's cell phone and called what used to be home.

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