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From her eyes: Mother-in-law and Daughter-in-law relationshipBY: Ira | Category: Relationships | Post Date: 2009-08-07
The article explores a different dimension of relationship between a Mother-in-law and her daughter-in-law. The mother is not always the villain in Saas-Bahu feud. What pops up in your mind whenever the word MOTHER-IN-LAW comes up? 'A la Shashikala' - Who can say the nastiest of things in a seemingly effortless and uncanny manner and any given stipulated time? Or somebody who by her mere presence gives you a different type and level of self consciousness or a feeling that you are being constantly watched or observed? How often have you done things only for the fear - what will she think? Or somebody who will shower on you all the wickedness of the world, will make you slog and can still smoothly come up with an act/statement that will convey - You are good for nothing. Or, she can even shower all affection, do everything for you, give you support and yet somewhere in the middle will politely convey to you - You are good for nothing. Yes , we can never be satisfied, if you feel she is shrewd , she is still the villain, and if she supports you , she still lacks many a things that we need. Accept it, that's the way it is. There is no way we spare her, because we have a strong perception that even we are not spared. Lets change the dimension. How many times have we as a daughter in law tried to have a peep - a really deep one inside our own self. Agreed a daughter in law can never be a daughter for them , but then even we know that a mother in law can never be a mother to us. We all enjoy unlimited MIL (mother-in-law) gossip sessions where each one of us really compete as to whose is the most pathetic soul here agonized by our respective 'Sasu Maas'. We all have had our own shares of the typical 'Saas-bahu' legend. The most prevalent are the stories which emerge out of bucketful of -bura lag gaya- things and -how could she say that- series… but in some corner of our hearts, we all know that somewhere we were wrong. Its only that we don't allow this feeling to surface up from our otherwise embedded negativity that -she- is always wrong. I guess that this saga originates when little drops of inability to do something, gradually build a deep ocean of frustration. The simplest we can consider is that we can shout, quarrel, argue with our moms and take our heart out, but not with MIL. Its best to only listen because that is what our mothers have taught us. That is how the Indian tradition works. If you have respect for them you have to show it, whereas we really never bothered to show respect to our own mum. We are a new generation modern responsible ladies, proudly enjoying our rights and claiming to balance our family and career reasonably well. Why can't we overcome these small issues in life to live and let live? I am aware its not our effort alone that will count, something has to be there from the other party as well. But yes I believe that even if she has done one single act of generosity for you, she deserves respect for that. Look around, you are often good to people professionally who at some point of time have helped you in something. We forget our Boss's constant naggings and move on because we are getting paid for it. Then why cant we listen to her and just move on, we are definitely getting paid in kind here. Yes she is not our BOSS…. But she is something more than that… she is our MOTHER. The other dilemma in our favorite discussions is interference. We are taught, literally spoon-fed that our 'Sasural' is our home, the husbands parents are yours but I know what efforts it takes to implement that. Why it pinches when MIL points something to us. Has your mother never done it with you ever? Fine they can be interfering in the kitchen, habits and might find fault at everything you do, but has your mother never told you where you were going wrong?. We feel highly offended by her but never by our mothers. So who is creating differences? If you are tolerating their pesky words, even they are tolerating your immaturity. Our mothers will also be mothers in law someday. And it's a universal truth , even she wont be the perfect one. Even you wont be able to reach the so called set limits of perfection. Then why expect it from her. Its really hard for us to accept her interference as learning's for future, but in the end this attitude will pay. We have all learnt quite a lot from our MILs , especially kitchen work… as spoiled pampered 'Betis' we are , never really entered the kitchen . If she has guided us in some point of life its her right to tell us which way we are heading. Still whenever she criticizes we just cannot (its not that we don't want to - but we just can't) just listen and forget because our own ego jumps in and says I am right. She is only saying it because she has to find a fault - no matter what. This is what is so deeply engraved in our minds that its impossible to scratch it out. The next complain we have is she tries to control our husbands and he is still a mamma's boy. Why should not he be if he giving you all the respect, space and love that you ever wanted. Understand her insecurity. She has nurtured him for 28 odd years facing every hardship, putting in unlimited sacrifices for making him the kind of man that you have accepted as a life partner. And suddenly one fine day a young female comes and makes him all his own in a matter of days. If you are a mother, see how your heart skips a beat when somebody lovingly takes your baby away from your arms. If you are not a mother wait till you become one. You will experience what possessiveness is all about. Our other favorite grievance is that she can never take care of us the way our mothers did. That's natural because she doesn't know your body needs , or what habits you have. And isn't she taking care of your kid while you are engaged in taking your career further, oblivious of the physical energy she has to ooze out to handle a toddler who refuses to stay still. Realise that she takes care of him more than you do. It will help in minimizing this grudge forever. I am sure many of you will be able to relate all this to yourself. This is nothing new as all of us must have had this piece of advice before marriage by your own moms, 'masis', 'nani' , 'dadis'… . We all are aware of this, yet its too hard for us to implement. I am not preaching here, I just hope that this just serves as a gentle reminder to us, we, who have somewhere forgotten our own identities in this unending juggling of marriage, kids, career, relationships and responsibilities. We all know how to make our life simpler and beautiful by not paying attention to too simple things in life. We the modern diva of today who believe in our own self will fly even higher if we rise above these petty issues. Understand your Mother-in-law. After all 'Wo bhi kabhi bahu thi…….' Article Source: http://www.saching.com About Author / Additional Info: My view on Mother-in-law and Daughter-in-law relationship. Additional Articles: * Methods of maintaining Oral health. Tips for good Dental health. * Online advertising and its various benefits * What are Kidney stones made of? How are stones formed in Kidney? * Freedom of Changing religion * Health benefits of a simple food : Brussel Sprouts Does this article violate or infringe on your copyright ? It is a violation of our terms for authors to submit content which they did not write and claim it as their own. If this article infringes on your copyrights, then use our Contact us form with the detailed proof of infringement along with the offending article's title, URL and writer name. 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